X-rated attraction coming to Madame Tussauds

Published on Tuesday, 28 May 2013

In an attempt to boost flagging profits, Madame Tussauds have announced plans to enter the artistic pornography market with a venture that will see them disrobe all of their wax celebrities and display them in a series of late night openings.

Madame Tussauds first opened their doors to the British public in 1802 and now have attractions in 15 cities around the world which give celebrity crazed fans the chance to almost meet their favourite stars face to face.

Madame Tussauds London took a major hit in profits at the end of 2012 after a thermostat was accidently turned up, which lead to many of the wax creations slowly melting away. “When all the models melted, we were basically left with an Iggy Pop & Keith Richards collection”, said the CEO of Madame Tussauds London. He continued:

“Visitors were asking why we had a wax model of Jackie Stallone dressed in full camo gear, not realising that the night before it had been a model of her son, Sylvester.“

“It wasn’t a complete loss though, because Jeremy Clarkson melted into a convincing Muammar Gadaffi.”

In light of the recent disappointing financial performance, shareholders voted overwhelmingly in favour of the foray into the pornography market. Sources told the New Age Man that the models are currently being modified to be made anatomically correct and punters will soon be able to walk around the wax figures and get a rare glimpse of things like the Queen's tits and gawk in amazement at the girth of Mr. T’s knob.

Not all celebrities are happy with the change and some are asking for their wax models to be pulled from the display. Tom Cruise, 5’5”, has refused to return for a remodeling, raising suspicions about whether he even has a willy. Some experts have suggested that whilst he probably does have one, it is likely that Tom's penis is nothing more than a helmet with no shaft.

Mark Kelly, a pervert from Hemel Hempstead, spoke with the New Age Man:

“I can’t wait to see Britney Spears naked. I just hope they have the 1999 Britney on display from her ‘Baby, one more time’ days, and not the 2007 Britney when she tried her hand at hairdressing. I hope Snappy Snaps will allow me to print all the photos I'm going to take.”

Madame Tussauds are increasing security in anticipation of an increase in incidents of theft. Naked Harry Styles has already had his penis stolen by a member of staff, and it is expected that this will not be the last time someone tries to steal his member.

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