Text messaging service 63336 using witchcraft and black magic

Published on Tuesday, 13 August 2013

It has been announced today that the text messaging company, AQA, are to be investigated by Ofcom after a number of formal complaints were lodged against them.

AQA offer a 'questions and answer' service, whereby users submit questions and receive answers via text. By sending a message with your name and the town that you are from, AQA are able to conjure up highly personal information that only you and your Facebook friends would know, such as what you study at university, your middle name and even the exact date of your birthday; nothing appears to be out of their reach.

However, AQA’s uncanny ability to know everything about everyone has led to questions being asked about exactly what methods they are using, with many people suggesting that their operation is rooted in the supernatural. However, not everyone is concerned about AQA's dealings in the dark arts. Andy, from Peckham, gave us his thoughts: “I am able to identify the occult because I have been watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer since it aired on BBC 2 back in 1997. With experience like this I know I can protect myself.

“However, for the inexperienced, there are some basic tools that can help you ward off evil, like a vile of Holy Water, a pocket full of table salt or Anthony Head.”

However, ex-63336 user, Luke from Southport, still has serious concerns. He told the New Age Man: “When you get a reply from 63336, it's like Derren Brown and David Blaine have an ear each and are going to town on you. It's a serious mind fuck. I mean, you can tell that they are enchanted text messages, because even if you show people the message AQA sent to you, most people will be nonchalant, and some will not be impressed whatsoever.”

Ofcom were unable to comment on reports that they have hired the Witch Finder General to help with their investigation, but did give the following statement:

"At £2.50 a text message, it is clear AQA must be doing more than replying to messages after a quick Google search. The high price suggests that they must have employed a large number of highly skilled wizards."

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