Swedish Government Bans 'I' and 'S'

Published on Thursday, 26 February 2015

Sweden is to ban all words containing 'is', it has been reported.

In a move touted as a revolutionary step in tackling radical Islamism, this development is being trialed as a method of preventing fundamentalist group Islamic State from spreading its message via the medium of speech or the written word.

"It became apparent that Islamic State has completely infiltrated most Latin based languages", a Swedish MP commented. "By banning all affected words from being written or spoken we are seeking to nip this in the bud as soon as possible... Oh fuck I just said a word with 'is' in didn't I.. Shit!.. I'm not one of them! Get your hands off me... Ahhhh!".

As well as all 'is' based words, the government has prohibited the numbers 1 and 5 from appearing next to each other, outlawed alphabet soup and banned snakes from freely associating with each other (it has been suggested that snakes may be trained by Islamic State to mimic 'IS' in their enclosures). The hissing sound that snakes make may also be outlawed in a forthcoming round of bans due to it sounding too much like 'IS' - plans to muzzle all snakes are currently being discussed in the Swedish Parliament.

When asked why writing '58008' on a calculator had fallen within the fleet of restrictions, a Swedish government spokesperson explained, "We just felt it was the right time. We've been meaning to put a stop to this for fucking ages; it's really disruptive".

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